Remove Memory and Remove the Trauma (post traumatic depression)

Learn how I beat Depression

Our minds sometimes deal with trauma in a range of ways. I had a traumatic ordeal many moons ago, and the first way that my mind dealt with it was by giving a pure and utter high. It was uncontrollable self belief, where anything in the universe was possible. I had an adrenaline buzz that was lasting, weeks and months passed where the reflection over that traumatic ordeal brought nothing but good. It was an odd experience in that the trauma had a positive effect. Yet there was a post traumatic depression that set in soon after the adrenaline ‘buzz’ departed.

Maybe it was that my serotonin had all been used up, maybe it was that my body had become resilient to this chemical, but a short wile after my incident, my dreams would come, the situation I had once reflected over giving me joy would now just bring pain, panic, stress and with that, depression.

I ran a supermarket and having a little sleep in for myself, my staff opened the doors at the usual 6am whilst I lay snoring my head off in my bedroom above the store. All was going well until minutes later two armed raiders burst in. They came up behind my male worker and put a machete to his back. He did their bidding as his partner (my other worker) began to empty my tills of their floats. She was petrified just as was he. It would turn out that their reaction in the aftermath, the post traumatic depression would kick in for them much quicker than it did with me.

My male worker was led by the armed raiders upstairs, they wanted the safe, of course they did, those greedy bastards who didn’t give a crap who they had to hurt to get what they wanted. For them this was ‘work’ this was how they would get their keep, keep their cocaine fueled life wonderful. They were all that matters, I wonder now if they too suffered from post traumatic stress after what happened next.

I was woken by the soft tone of my worker as he said ‘Sorry Nick’ as into my room barged the machete wielding punk. The image of a balaclava clad man shouting ‘give me the f***ing keys,’ is the image that would later incite the post traumatic depression in me much later, but for now all I felt was anger born out of intense fear. I managed to slip from under my duvet down low catching him on the thighs and pushing him with all of my might out the door. Then taking my male worker by the arm, I swung him in behind me, and tried to force the door to a close. It wouldn’t close entirely, it was a badly put together studded wall attached to a storeroom, and the machete came in through the crevice ‘psycho’ style.

There was nothing for it but to attack and like an idiot possessed with false anger I opened the door and fought the men with nothing but my knuckles. Luck and surprise won out the conflict for me, I came out with slight defensive wounds and managed to beat them off. When they ran, I gave chase but their car was too fast for my bare feet ripping against the tarmac. The DVD footage of my battle (I was in my boxer shorts at the time) made the front pages of local and national papers in the days afterwards, I became ‘famous’ in a way which perhaps brought about the high. But the residual high gave way to panic when the thought of what had occurred, and what could have occurred would play out in my mind.

I would struggle, I became depressed as a result and yes I would fear each moment I lay in my bed that more would come, more did come. They never got what they wanted, I was always too strong, but it was not good for me being there, around all of those things in the store which brought back the memories and incited the post traumatic depression to remain with me.

I sold the store, I had to, and in hindsight realised that this was the best possible thing that I could have do. Removing ourselves from that environment in which we feel powerless to control potential future trauma, the source of our weakness (even though I proved I was strong I still felt weak and powerless) that is how we can best overcome the threat it brings to our mental health. And that health is worth more than the contents of any safe.

Learn how I beat Depression

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