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Learn how I beat DepressionPersonal Stories !
August 3, 2010
Learn how I beat Depression
Tags: accounts depression, councillors depression, depression ireland people stories, depression personal stories, depression story years, googled depression, impossible sit stories, personal accounts depression, personal accounts depression ireland, personal mentor depression sufferers, personal stories depression, please take depression away, stories depression, stories partner suffering depression, true stories about depression, why personal testimonies important
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hi there,i have read your story on how to beat depression i am trying to beat depression for a number of years,your story has made me sit back and think,i am not on my own,as i always feel i am,thank you,i dont feel like im on my own
I have suffered from depression for some years now and have found medication just takes the edge off and allows me to function. I have been on several different anti-depressants but suffered from various side effects, which my doctor did not know about although they are contained in a fact sheet supplied with the drug, don’t want to come down on my doctor here as it must be impossible to keep up with all literature and changes etc. I stopped taking medication some months ago and am struggling to hold it together but really don’t want to return to taking pills for the rest of my life. My work is seriously effected and I find it almost impossible to complete tasks, I can start them OK but have a real problem in completing them its really wierd. I will give myself lots of other things to do to avoid the important task. I have seen this is in another person sufering from depression and wonder if it is a trait. Another thing I have is if I think about a job or task I wind myself up about it and its importance and “I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE” and then I tend to avoid the particular job and it snow balls into a huge issue. Eventually I will get it done and then its a case of what was all the fuss about? All the same I will do this again and again. One thing I used to do to help was when I woke in the morning before I got out of bed I would lie back and plan my day and catogorise things to do from “important to do” to “do it if I get time”
Anyway just by reading the previous articles I burst into tears, needed that, it let off a bit of pressure and once again reminded me I am not alone.
Right got to go got lots of things I HAVE TO DO.
Actually just by reading your story and writing back myself has given me quite a boost so I’moff to get some work actually done. Wonder if we ever passed each other, I would have been a kid when you were posted to Northern Ireland.
Keep up the good work.
Hi Guys thanks for your comments , you never know we may have crossed paths :)
People , if you want to blow off steam but dont want your name on the site just put a false name up or ANON.
Cheers Karl
It’s my day off work I wanted to go shopping, clean the house walk the dog or even just get dressed! I feel so tiered all the time, my tummy is going made as i have uped my tablets and making me feel so ill I can’t be bothered to move but have some much to do.
My doctor wants me to start CBT which will be great IN TIME! but with the NHS will take forever for me to get.
I feel so sorry for my partner he puts up with so much I just want to get away and get better but I can’t see away out!
So many questoins but I have no answers anywhere.
I have read some of your site and so many things sound like me but I just can’t find a reason to get up and do any of them!
Jess
x
Hi Karl
I have finishing reading your blog and I wanted to say that you life up until the start of your treatment sounds so muchlike mine. Over the past three weeks I have hit rock bottom (I think you know what I mean).
I hope am inspired by your courage and let me also say how strong and supportive your family have been.
I just hope it not to late. I just need this balance back.
I would like to update you on my progress if you don’t mind as I really need a friend and someone to talk with.
w
No problem , drop by whenever you want to talk or let some steam off , remember if you dont want to use your real name put a false name in the comment box
Karl
I have just read your blog and I am totally inspired by it. I have been suffering for longer than I have been diagnosed but have just lived with it. I did get medication from the doctor but didn’t end up taking it. I am like D when it comes to work life I will put off a really important job just because something small affects my way of thinking. I listen to my head which is always negative, there is nothing positive coming through. I have been lying in bed all morning just playing silly games on the laptop and because it is miserable weather outside I won’t move. I have to see my councillor this afternoon and because my usual meetings have been in the mornings I am stressing myself about wether I will be able to get parked, visulising my journey and having anxiety attacks about this. I went shopping with my mam and sister yesterday for clothes for work. They tried to get me to buy a jacket but there was no trousers to go with it. My head just can’t make any decisions however small or large! And I had to walk out of the shop to cry. I ended up in a lovely shop and got a bargain suit and the shop assistant could see that I was anxious but she was really lovely to me. As I said I have been sat in bed all morning most of it crying and emailing a friend who is trying to be supportive and giving me all the right answers but all I do when I read them is cry. I googled depression and got your site and I am really grateful. I know everyones story is different but I hope I have learned something from it and will be able to post another comment soon that is more positive. Thanks again.
my heart goes out to all of those people who have placed posts on your site. the fact that some1 else is suffering like myself really really upsets me. i have been on anti depressants for around 15/17 yrs.I started to self medicate using illegal drugs around 10yrs ago, not all the time just every now and then, just to give me the energy to get up and look after my son who was diagnosed with ADHD, i was a single parent so this took its toll on me. he is nearly 20 now and i have come to the point, where my life has gone so down hill i dont know how to fight my way back.i have read your story and i will try everything that u have tried and hopefully improve my life. i have just undergone 6 counselling sessions,and i am starting a cbt on line, just so this can help me try and get focused, i dont think it will take my depression away, however i think your advice may help me long term. i feel i must come across as being upbeat today, this is not true, it was just reading some of these stories they really moved me, and i felt such pain for every1. but that is who iam i will help every1 b4 looking after myself. i dont think there is any quick fixes to help depression as every1 is different, and i think in years to come with recognition towards mental illness, people will get help quicker, and a lot more people will understand. i have tried so many sites this is the best as it hasnt been written by some1 who thinks they understand. it has been written by a fellow sufferer. i am not working at the moment,i have studied learning mentor counselling and youth work. however i am so fearfull at the moment of failing in the outside world i am finding it hard to take the next step in life. please admin if i can be an of any help to any1 i am just a message away. i would love to be an mp for mental illness and help people become more aware of the difficulties faced by some1 with depression.
If i can say 1 thing to each person who have posted comments it would be “please dont give up”. thanks again for all the info u have put on your site you never know if i get better i will go for the mp thing, so look out. takecare every1.
Karl – Its been now over a week since I first read your blog and I thought that I would update up on my progress. I have started your diet and health kick and I am feeling a little better. I still think the that I have nothing to offer,but I am sure the journey will be slow.
This weekend I manage to get out of the house and do some abseiling with a friend or two. What at relief it wss to feel alive again, if only for a short time.
I am now setting small goals in a hope to encourage me to make it to the next day.
today was my first time out in daylight,, i managed to get to the doctors and collect my repeat prescription on my own i then carried on for a walk ,,untill the fear and sweating took over me,,, ironic really as i find it safer at night normally, even though thats when we had the most attacks,i still cant sleep due to nightmares,, ive been takeing 60mg of prescribed prozac daily, and a lot of people have said that i have changed , i cant sleep,i cant eat, and i have no energy at all,,any advice please
oh fffffing h,,,,lll,, i spent many years away abroad i had to look after my self and my mates, they looked up to me and relied on me,,i tried my best and i think i did well,, upon my final return my bro was ill with sychophrenia,, ive probably spelt that wrong,,,i tried to help as much as i could even though i was suffering depression,,now my mother has died i think im worse than him , i dont have any contact with no one these days,,i just mope around till its dark then walk my dog,,i have no will in life apart from my dog,,, but from being a sgt in the royal engineers,,,i know sit here and cry
I just wish we could all meet eachother, instead of being by ourselves, because we all know what its like and just to be able to really feel understood and cared for would be so great. Cant we make a site where we could all chat at least (or is it this one!) I’m so glad this is here…and wherever you are I really will think of you. I am fighting off taking any more tablets because I hated the feeling of electric shocks shooting into my brain after I was weaned off them – did anyone else suffer from this, my doc claimed never to have heard of this reaction. Now I feel myself sinking lower and lower into depression, specially when the weather is grey and bleak, it really affects me so badly. Single parent, struggling, trying to be upbeat for the kids, I hate myself and how I think, feel useless and cannot be positive thinking. I too put off all the things I must do, till it gets overwhelming…cant face it till I HAVE to and I compare myself to everyone “out there” who manages with bells on. There must be some huge chemical imbalance going on in us..its all chemical I think if we can help eachother, we would feel worth something. I know where you are guys and you aint alone, honestly you’re not. Thanks so much for this site. I have an underactive thyroid and hit the menopause early too….I am all over the place… thanks for listening. x
Thanks folks I’m moved to listen to your stories. I’ve suffered before after losing a girlfriend and my job. I rebooted with meds and threw myself into a new career – teaching. Now I’ve left my successful job as a teacher due to horrid commute which itself made me crazy. Now I’ve spent 6 weeks getting up late, being irritable, anxious, negative and generally terribly cranky for my girlfriend who does not seem to understand. I’m told she’s sick of walking on eggshells with me. Although I am happy to talk to her, she just does not get it. I feel useless, unmotivated, unable to make any decisions and just what to hide. My indecisiveness is frustrating. I don’t really want to take meds – they made me sick last time when I started seroxat. I know I should exercise, but really don’t feel like it. I’ve put on weight and feel shit. I’m feel I’m trapped in my own thoughts. I hope a counsellor will help me back on track. Thanks for listening. We all know it is a simple but crucial skill. I’ll keep walking until i find my way out of the labyrinth. x
Hi everyone I wish I could say do this and this and you will all be fine but we all know its not that simple. I have just come through two months of hell. I finally retreated into the shell were I could not even get out of bed and every waking minute is filled with dread of the smallest things. Luckily I have a partner who gives me the most fantastic support even though her life is no bed of roses. I know I would not have got through this last weeks without her I would have ended up with a complete nervous breakdown. Trying to explain to someone how you are feeling it is almost impossible for them to understand unless they are suffering the same feelings. Even when we ourselves are feeling UP it is hard to imagine how exactly we feel when we are at our lowest, its like imagining how a bad a really sore toothache is to actually having one (does that make sense?). I almost drove my partner away but fortunately for me she grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and brought me to my senses. It didn’t stop how I was feeling, just made me realise how much more worse it would be without her by my side. The great thing about this forum is that I hope you like me get a little comfort knowing we are not alone. So for all our suffering partners out there we should let them know that we do realise the hardship they are putting up with because lets face it if we look at it all truthfully we do become obsessed with what is happening to US. So if you are lucky enough to have a partner let them know you know……
Thanks for the sock pull D. I’m thanking my partner. I think you are right that when depressed we do get self absorbed. It’s part of the spiral down. Thanks to a lot of the insights on this blog I’m a few turns up the ascent to the calm social creature I can be. My friends, art and bicycle are accompanying me. To my partner who makes me smile each day I promise to keep riding the waves…
Reading all this is so amazing. I have felt so alone for so long.I have a lovely wife, four great but very young kids and a good, but demanding job. Problem is that it’s all got too much for me. I think everything has just accumulated and I’ve just tried to push it all to one side, but I’ve finally got to breaking point. I’m just so fed up of feeling this continuous feeling of dread and doom. My wife finds it difficult to address these things so tends to just brush it all under the carpet. Right this minute I am feeling OK, but I am aware it will only take a small trigger to send me off into the most dreadful spiral within minutes. I had a horrible moment last week when cycling into work – saw a bus coming towards me and thought if I went under the wheels, these horrible feelings would at least end. Then I think I can’t even do that because I am being selfish and have responsibilities to fulfill. I just feel so trapped it is beyond words. It’s a horrible feeling when you realise you just dont enjoy life. Like D above, I recognise I have become obsessed by myself and my troubles. My wife’s mother (who I love dearly) has been very ill and was fighting for her life last week, and I found myself thinking “Great – now I can’t even try and talk to my wife about my troubles” – trapped and helpless again, me, me, me.
I need to learn to manage this.
What a great site Karl – I will be following your blog.
was good to here i am not alone..have been suffering from depression for 7 months.just dnt no what started it.
the last 2 months have been terrible.how i have worked i will never know.
i am waiting to see a counseller.i do hope this will help.
the worse part is my memory and forgetfulness.which makes me worry even more..
know one seems to total understand really..
lindy
what is the point in this web site, we post our problems but recieve no advice,,,there are some of us who are really suffering,,,,,,and get no help,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Gillian , the purpose of the site is to inform the latest news in metal health related issues not to give advice or treat as no one on here is a doctor or medical professional , sometimes its just nice to know you are not alone.
Hi everyone ,please be inspired by your personal struggles u all seem to be making progress,larl ur an inspiration well done i will be trying the diet and fish oils and let u know how i get on . to everyone whos written a comment well done its often the first ste,if you take a step every day youl soon be walking god bless u all xx
Ref. Admin post December 7th.
That is the point to remember – We are not alone – Knowing others have the same problems helps us to realise this and in a small way, may help us come to terms with them.
omg reading thru these comments is like reading my own life experiences back to myself. sometimes i find it hard not to cry when i am reading them, obviously that all depends on my mood when i read them i wish there was more i cud do to help like get a meeting up. if only just to hug every1 just to say i know how u feel.
there havent been any new comments in 2011. i hope every1 who has posted comments in the past r all doing well.
hi Janice and everyone out there listening in. Don’t like to write as I’ve already did it twice and don’t want to be labelled as a moan. Having said that when a new posting goes up I drop everything and immediately read it does give you a sense of not being alone.
A bit of good news for all those suffering from depression it has been found that a device used to treat patients with Parkinson’s can cure depression. Copy and paste the link the link below into your tool bar for more information. http://www.qmed.com/news/29208/brain-pacemakers-may-help-fight-depression-study
Good luck too you all in the coming year.
D
We are all still here :) I am thinking of putting a forum up on this site so people can “moan” :) or share as I like to say ;) more about there lives, the more we write on places like this the more other people will gather confidence to share ,speak and not feel alone ! Please feel free to drop by anytime and write your daily thoughts about all things mental health !!
I was reading all these posts and really wanted to share my story. Mine is a positive one and if sharing it just slightly helps one person, it’ll be worth it. It’s long, but there’s a lot to be learnt from it. I hope you can be bothered to read it! I really think it could help you feel more positive.
At the age of 13, I was sexually assaulted by a stranger (a leader of the Kid’s club!) alongside my sister when on a family holiday. Although at the time I didn’t realise it, it send me into a downward spiral.
I felt like all my innocence had been taken away, like it was my fault and like I was different to everyone else now. I lost all my friends as I didn’t want to be around people anymore. I became moody and mildly anorexic. A couple of years later I was suffering from persistant headaches and after tests found nothing to sinister, I referred to a psychiatrist for treatment for stress. I had CBT which helped but only in the short term.
By the time I was in college things were still getting worse, but I still didn’t really accept that this was due to the attack which was 4-5 years ago.
I made friends with someone who was severely depressed and I can’t say it helped. He was a yeaer older so when I turned 18 I went out drinking with him a lot. I don’t blame him for “leading me astray” or whatever, I made the choice to be friends with him, and that decision didn’t help me. I was really reckless and would go out up to 5 times a week. I even occasionally needed a drink before college at 7 in the morning.
However, one really great thing did come of making friends with this guy. He was having counselling through college and recommended it. Other friends had suggested but I always riduiclued the idea, I think it made things seem more real and I denied that I needed the help. I started to consider counselling but was really nervous about arranging it. I’d emailed the well being person at college and we’d arrange to meet up and book some sessions but I’d get so nervous beforehand, I was often physically sick. So when my friend said I could just come with him and book in with his counselor directly, it really helped having his support and I finally sorted it. She didn’t have a slot available until the following week and she asked “Is that okay? It’s not urgent is it?” So I said it wasn’t but secretly wanted to break down and cry and discuss all my problems right then and there.
So I went to my first session, which took a lot of effort as I was so scared about what it would be like. I think I cried in every session and even had panic attacks in some of them. Things seemed to improved after several session and were really great, but then I crashed. 2 months in we’d talked about the main issues, (the sexual assault and the death of my granddad last year) so I said I wanted to talk about self harm. I’d always done it a little bit, nothing too serious. I knew it was really wrong but it gave me some kind of satisfaction. When I started counselling I stopped doing it but was still feeling the urge to, so I wanted to talk about it. But while we were talking about it the urge to do it was huge. I’d already planned to do it once I got home. The session ended on me promising I wouldn’t and the counsellor telling me she felt she’d “lost me” in the session and that I should call Samaritans if it all got too much. I wasn’t really suicidal, just urging to self harm. And I did. I did several times that week, each time worse and worse.
I emailed Samaritans which was good for venting but didn’t really feel they helped much. I went out one night and got really drunk at a house party and that was the first time I seriously considered suicide. I was slightly upset over a boy. I was in the bathroom and went into the medicine cabinet and took out a lot of pills, knowing mixing them with alcohol would be serious. But I felt trapped as I didn’t want to hurt my family. None of the had any idea about how seriously low I as feeling, and I had only told a few friends about the counselling. Later that night I had a big panic attack and kept stopping breathing. My friends wanted to call and ambulance but I was adamant they didn’t, so they got my friends dad who was a doctor. He was really comforting as I knew him fairly well, and eventually I was okay but so exhausted. They tried to call my parents so I pretended I was fine but stayed up most of the night unable to breathe.
Anyway, after a seriously low few days, I was going on a family holiday for 2 weeks and knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the self harm. In the more relaxed environment I was able to fight the urge, especially when my mum did notice some scars, for which I made up ridiculous excuses on the spot! Something about falling in a bush when drunk which cut up my whole arm!! She was suspicious but let it lie as I think she’s never really accepted I might be unhappy.
On return from the holiday, I went back to counselling and things started to get better again. I stopped the self harm, although to this day I still sometimes get the urge. As things got good, I just didn’t want to be going to the sessions anymore. Initially, despite being hard, I did like the sessions as they provided a great outlet. But now it just felt like we’d talked about everything and it was just awkward. So we stopped the sessions and my expectations have been far exceeded. I feel amazing, 100 times better than i ever could have imagined. I was so skeptical about counselling, but it really worked for me.
I was always a pessamist, so I set myself a challenge, something I would have previously said was beyond my limitations, and that was to climb Mont Blanc. Discovering mountaineering was a turning point as it requires a huge amount of mental stregth. Coming through depression actually makes you really strong. That was less than a year ago and I’m now on track to reach the top of the world, although I won’t go into it as I don’t want my story to end up in the papers due to the fact my family still know very little about all my past. I only told my mum about the assault a few years ago.
I already have a world record in mountaineering and heading for even greater things. I was recently approached by a public speaking agency and I specialize in giving motivational speeches to younger audiences, although my talks don’t mention my battle with depression. I’m climbing in aid of Depression Alliance to raise money and awareness.
I still feel depressed sometimes, I don’t think you’re ever 100% cured. But things really can get better beyond what you imagine. Please don’t sit there reading this thinking it won’t be so good for you. I really thought I would never be happy again. I still can’t believe how far I’ve come. I start medicine at university in September and may look into having the occasional counselling session to keep me on track.
Please please believe in yourself. Realise that things really can get better, however hard it is to envisage right now. Whether it’s a new hobby or starting counselling, something really will work. Try everything. Don’t give up. There is another side to the street. Just stepping outside and getting the initial help takes a lot of courage and the road will not be easy to cross. There will be ups and down but don’t give up hope. Just keep talking it step by step and you will eventually reach the other side. Join Karl and I and thousands like us on the other side of depression. I’m nothing special, we all have the potential and I believe in every one of you.
Let me know your thoughts and if you want any advice or anyone to talk to, please reply here and I’ll get back in touch.
WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks soooo much for sharing that ! What an awesome read ! It kinda goes with something I was reading the other day called “what doesnt kill you makes you stronger” thanks for sharing B what a great read ! Ps skiied past Mont Blanc not long ago when I skied in France.!!
Hi i have just read your artical, and it hits home more than ever at the moment as have hit the self distruct button on my whole life. I feel as though i can not cope with anything any more both with my home life or at work.
I ahve suffered with dpression of a mild form for most of life but it seems to be at an all time high at the moment. I work as a home carer and are dealing with the elderly who have depression,and ican normal cope with this, but at the moment i can’t. Then my home life is no better my partner suffered a heart attack several years ago,and does nothing aroung the house to help, then my own father has gone bling, been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and tried to take his own life. Now i have the mother in law who is poorly with lung disease, and i just feel as though i cannot cope anymore. The things i use to enjoy doing i no longer have any interest for, I some times find it hard to get up for work in the morning and then do not want to be their when i get their. I donot want to go onto anti depressents but i know that i have got to do some thing,but what?
Diane , I once knew a “therapist” that told me that they themselves have to see therapists to “off load” all their built up angst… go speak with your GP or with depression alliance and explain what you have said above and see if you can get in contact with someone who can help you , even if it is just someone to talk to !
Hi Diane, I hope you go and talk to your doctor as soon as possible. Just that alone will be a huge release for you. I have every admiration for carer’s it is a job I know I could not do. But on top of this you come home to the same. Please seek some help the first step is to help yourself and then things will get better and of course we are all here to listen and give support. Our thoughts are with you.
Diane, we all know that the first step is the hardest, but once you’ve done it, things really can get so much better. It takes a lot of strength to seek help but just think about all the positives that can come out of it. You care so much for others yet you’ve suffered for so long that you owe it to yourself to help yourself.
Hi, don’t really know what to say… general confusion about what i actually think or not plauges me, plus i’m afraid of offending people. I’m 24 and I’ve had depression for the last few years (well, diagnosed anyway), my problems although basically the same as many of the comments on here seem insignificant for some reason, I think i’ve been overpowered with the emotions I felt reading the comments. Going to the doctors soon, all I know is I have hope, and at least that is a start (again). I’m not a fan of medication but i know I can’t sort this out alone. I’m completely up for trying to regulate my diet, now i think about it I should have been doing this long ago, I like fish. Would be cool if there was some kind of chat room style messenger thing. Strong work on the site, I hope that everybody who has depression will find this site eventually.
Love and good vibes to everybody.
P.s sorry if this post sounds completely wishy washy.
Hi. It feels nice to read stories of beating depression. I know that depression won’t go away naturally but I seem to be blessed with a very horrible case of it which has lead me to want to end my life every day for about 6 weeks now. Im a university student, aged 22. It all started when my ex boyfriend suggested that we get back together and I really didnt know what to do, I am also on a high intensity university course which is an NHS course. I have completely lost my confidence in my course even though I was scoring 2.1 grades last term. I just hate this I have amazing people around me friends and family, but nothing can snap me out of it, even seeing my friends just makes me jelous of everything good in their lives and how weird they must think I am. Its hard aswell because my university housemates are probably just starting to get fed up with me and unsuprisingly because they think i am running away from the problem. I came home from uni 4 weeks ago to try and get my head together at home, but its got worse. Iv’e turned from a ray of sunshine, a friend to everyone and so happy and positive to feeling a sense of achievment for going for a walk and having a shower. My parents are so supportive, but they just think that this is all mostly because of my course, and although they are happy for me to come home, I just cant face it. This has happened to me before with university i had to leave because i couldnt cope, and i got myself back together worked, went back to college and got myself back onto this great degree. Its all my own fault, because its my brain thats telling me all these stupid things, time I just want to end my life because all the pain will go away then :( everyone keeps telling me that its going to be ok, im going to beat this but i just cant see a way out :( i hate this so much.
Hi emma, this sounds exactly like a period of depression I had about 2 years ago, at the beginning of my 3rd year of uni my girl friend Split up with me and we were living in the same house.
You seem to have exactly the same outlook as i did (and from time to time still do) being jealous of how friends and other people seem to be able to get on with their life and be happy and angry at myself for not being able to be my old self. It got to the point where I didn’t see my housemates for weeks, I just hid in my room so as not to burden them with me (which didn’t always work like i planned).
One thing that seemed to help me out a lot was keeping a diary, it sounds a bit simple I know, but i guess it worked. I set myself the task of writing down how I felt and what i was thinking 3 times a day. the idea was to space it out evenly but once i started doing it i started writing whenever I needed to.
I suppose it worked like a kind of therapy, but instead of talking to a person just talking (well writing) to old myself.
I recently had a dive back into depression where like you I thought about killing myself about once an hour, and i really hated feeling that way, its one thing i promised myself (and my dad actually) that i would never do. There’s just too much I want to do.
I guess i just kind of fought my way through it, attempting to defy my depressed self at every possible point.
What you musn’t forget is that it IS actually possible for you to be happy, it might not feel like it but just think about when you were happy, that’s proof that it’s possible, evidence, a fact.
It just takes time to work through the negative thought processes.
If you need to talk you can either reply on here or you can text me/email me/skype messenger me, whatever you need, just ask for my contact details on here.
Hope at least some of this has helped even if only for a minute.
Paul.
Hi Emma, well as you can see by the post you are not alone. feeling suicidal was the thing that pushed me to go to my doctor and actually be diagnosed with depression. I have been through some really hard times, like everyone, but having seen what suicide does to a family and the loved ones left behind especially parents I would always put the thought out of my head right away. Suicide passes your depression on to your loved ones to carry.
Anyway enough of that talk I’ll be getting depressed in a minute. Something happened to me lately I was on top of the world for a whole week. I had been invited to join up with a few friends for a drink as we had not seen each other in 10 years! I have went from a very sociable person to someone who would not even celebrate their birthday. The usual dread came over me about actually getting up and going out but when I did I saw what I had been missing by sitting in a dark corner so to speak and not bothering with anyone. The night out was a quiet affair but it had the effect of lifting me up and showing me what life could be like. This has had a profound effect on me as you can gather. Maybe some of you out there listening in (I know you are listening) might try it. I know there will be all the excuses what you cannot but hope someone gives it a try. Stay strong and know you are not alone.
hi, iam so glad to have found this site,it helps to no ur not on your own with this terrible thing hanginging over u. i have been suffering for the last 4years it started not long after my little girl told me that her father had been sexually abuseing her, its a mothers worst nightmare.the system here n. ireland is a sham,the medical prefesssion are no better i seem to b banging my head at a brick wall i dont no were to turn.
I’m lost for words, don’t know what to say and mercifully i have never been in your situation. So this is really just a note to let you know you are in our thoughts.
I’ve never done anything like this before so it’s difficult to decide were to begin..
I’m only 18 years old and i already feel as if life just isn’t worth living, its really difficult to pinpoint what exactly has caused my depression because there are so many factors that have contributed. I suppose it all started when i was just a young child , i was always a very pessimistic kid who saw the glass as half empty rather than half full, throughout my primary school years i always seemed to be the one to question everything and look for faults with things.. i would always be able to turn positive things into negative, bearing in mind i was only 8 years old but my family thought nothing of it .. and neither did i in all honesty i was only young. During my time in primary school my mum became pregnant for the third time; i was her first born but unfortunately my younger brother had died at birth but i was only one year old at the time so i weren’t to know but i had high hopes with this next pregnancy and was looking forward to having a little sister having got tired and bored of being an only child.. unfortunately my sister also died at birth which had caused my mum and stepdad complete emotional hell it having been the second time they had lost a child.. but again i didnt really know how to take the news as i was still very young and had not emotionally matured so i just carried on as i normally would in life, however my mum found it a bit more difficult and in order to cope with her own depression and upset she had experimented with cannabis a few times (thankfully it hadnt developed into an addiction and she had given it up after just a few weeks) and despite my young age even i knew that drugs were wrong and it made me feel somewhat insecure. As i came to the end of primary school my mum became pregnant again and the whole family were afraid that we would have yet another death.. however nature decided to have mercy this time and my new younger brother was completely fine and healthy so with a new baby brother i entered my high school years with much optimism.. something i hardly ever had. My first three to four years of high school were awesome and i really enjoyed them and to make it even better my mum had given birth to yet another healthy baby during my second year which resulted in me having both a brother and sister, life couldnt have got any better. But as i entered my last year of high school i began to realise something wasn’t quite right within myself; i had huge trouble sleeping and i always seemed to walk around with a frown (according to everyone else) i often felt miserable and it would be for no reason so i became really confused and it annoyed me that i didnt know even know what was bothering me. I was also bullied in my last year of school and i did the traditional thing of doing nothing about it .. i just sat through it and took the verbal and sometimes physical abuse in classes; i suppose it contributed to me feeling low. But my grandad had also died of alcoholism during my time in secondary school and he was like my father as my real biological father had left us when i was just 2 years old he was the only person in the whole family i would talk to and get along properly with (i was always like a secluded closed book when i was younger) and with my teenage hormones raging all over the place it hit me hard .. very hard indeed, and on top of all this i was finishing high school which also upset me because i have never liked change and new starts.. mainly because it frightens me somewhat, however i did pretty well in my exams and i left school for a nice long summer before starting again at a new college.
The new academic year had arrived and i was terrified however i kept my chin up and dove into the year without complaining. The first year started off ok it was just a case of getting used to the new friends and new surroundings.. but still i continued to feel really low and down for no reason at all, it was then that my mum revealed to me that depression ran in our family and several family members had it .. and still do to this day, but again i didnt really listen or pay any attention to her (i never listened to her i didnt really get along with my mum for some reason) because i knew that i could never have anything like that so i just carried on as normal. It was then towards the end of my first year that i discovered alcohol, i had never ever drank previously as i grew up with the attitude of never wanting to drink (this lasted all the way up to the age of 17!!) but as i did so well in my exams i thought i’d join my mates in celebrating; it was the first time i had ever gotten drunk and it was most certainly a wonderful feeling/experience it had helped me to forget everything (such as the past) and it distracted me from the fact that i was feeling low practically every day, basically it made me feel happy. I then entered my second year of college and everything changed; the negative feelings that i had been having for the last few years had deteriorated greatly.. this had caused my drinking to spiral out of control, it came to the point were i would drink every morning at around 7 oclock just to be able to feel good enough to get out of bed in a morning and leave the house. Plus the fact that i was in different classes for the second year made me even more unhappy because it was further change, change that i deemed unecessary which made it all the more annoying. As a result of this drinking i ended up losing nearly all my friends because of my down and aggressive moods; they didnt want to put up with me i suppose.. none of them could understand how i felt or why and i dont blame them as its impossible to truly understand a persons situation until your in their shoes. The drinking also made me feel ill most of the time which didnt help my mood either, i would spend my days in college skipping lessons and isolating myself in the library keeping my headphones in werever i would be/ going .. this helped me to ignore the world and i would frequently walk round with my head down just blanking everybody out. It was around this time that i was bullied again being called names such as ” mental, pshyco, weirdo ” etc.. but i chose to ignore it because i convinced myself there was nothing wrong with me. My relationship with my family was also put under further strain and my mum tried to explain to me that i could have depression. It was only when i would frequently come home from college and drink and smash the house up that i agreed to go to the doctors; i was diagnosed with depression and was offered medication.. but i declined (i have always been against medication, no idea why) and from then on it just got worse and worse, my studying suffered i managed to get the grades i needed to do what i wanted at university but the results were a lot worse than they should of been and by the end of college and the start of the summer last year i was one very angry, socially inadequate young man. Over the summer i developed other mental issues such as paranoia, several panick attacks occured over last summer. I thought that leaving college would cure me and i looked forward to the start of university and a fresh start but i soon discovered that that a fresh start wasn’t the answer. Everything got a whole lot more complicated as i came into contact with my biological father at the start of uni for the first time in 16 years which had really messed my head up, and other factors such as mates and distant relatives commiting suicide badly affected my mental state.
And thats were i am just a few months later (today) ive been to the doctors and am currently on anti depressants (citalopram) and ive managed to stop drinking all the time and have cut it down to just the weekends.. but even then i drink a hell of a lot. But i have awesome friends all of whom understand me a lot better which really helps and ive even made new friends who are in similar situations to me which also really helps. Im hoping everything will improve, but i just dont think it will, my little brother and sister who are now aged 6 and 7 are the only people who keep me going :)
I also appreciate all the comments everyones leaving, it’s good to see more people talking about it and i hope everyone feels ok
Hi everyone, I have been reading all the postings since January. Just wondered if my recent experience would be of any help to anyone out there with panic attacks / depression. I have always had mild depression on and off for the last few years. I started again with panic attacks & tightening of the chest just before Christmas 2010 & gave my job up because of it. About eight years ago I had Hypnotherapy for IBS which was successful, so I decided to try it again for my current problem. Up to date I have had 3 sessions with my therapist & I am feeling so much better – about 90%. I am having my last session next week & I am confident that I will attain a higher percentage. I can also go back to see the therapist for a ‘top up’ if I ever need to. I have had to pay privately for this treatment. My doctor refered me to a councellor, but there is a five month waiting list & I couldn’t wait that long,so I felt it was worth paying the money as I was getting desperate.
Hypnotherapy is not suitable for everyone but is certainly worth a try.
Good luck to everyone out there & try to remember, thing’s are never as bad as they seem, you can get better.
xxxx
Well, it’s a stunning Monday morning and I’m due to start work at 1pm, it’s now 1/2 11 and all I want to do is run far far away from things, preferably to somwehere quiet where no one has to ever worry about me again. I’ve suffered depression since I was about 13, mixed in has been a suicide attempt and a nervous breakdown – all good fun!!! The nervous breakdown was about a year ago and strongly related to the place where I still work. I had time off, went back on the tablets and, in some ways improved, but actually what I was doing was hiding from reality, cutting back my life so that only the essential bits remained, nothing that could put any pressure on me was left. But apparantly this isn’t good, and I had a really bad appraisal at work in Jan, it broke me in so many ways, but I decided to get councelling and see my doctor agian. Everyone says that I’m doing well, but I know I’m not…my doctor is fantastic and I can be honest and truthful with her, and this morning I admitted that my head keeps returning to suicidal thoughts, I don’t think I will act upon them, but they make me feel kind of tainted and dirty, like when people look at me they will see these shit things going around in my head and avoid me. I just want to feel normal but I don’t even know what that is any more. I’m becoming more angry with the world and I find myself wanting to scream at people, the slightest thing and I becoming out of control ARGHHH why can’t I have a normal head??? I don’t know why I started writing this except that I know no one will judge me here, and maybe someone will understand. Sending the biggest of hugs to all with a head that they have to fight with on a daily basis x
i know what you r going through reading your story is like what my life is like, i just want to b normal and have a happy mind like u BT i just want to run away and hide each day is a struggle.. my thoughts r with u…x
another day wanted to stay under the blankets and not face this black cloud over me, tears in my eyes my 8 year old little girl saying mummy mummmy get up, iam up and on the site again reading everyones storys to make sence off mine. thinking off u all.x
10 13 sunday
still in bed but rallying. Started meds 3 days ago. feeling shaky but will try to get a few things done. not really suicidal, i have two boys and can’t let them down. but life seems pretty pointless and overwhelming right now. I was doing ok and then my dad died two weeks ago and feeling flipped ( he was 86 and had been ill but it is still a shock and hurts more than i ever expected ).
I know i have to hang on. People say it will get better, i will find a way forward. I just do not see that now and as I can not get things done I am anxious and paniced about all i need to do.
so i will now try again to get up, face the day, the future. tough stuff this life..
I’ve read the article about how to beat depression, and I sent it to my boyfriend, because he gets seriously depressed. I used to think it was just a monthly thing, but he just told me that he’s depressed all the time, and that he just smiles for me, which kills me inside, because it makes me feel like I can’t help him.
He talks as though he won’t let me help him, but I swear to God that I am going to do everything I possibly can to help him, because it’s soul-destroying seeing the one you love think he has to suffer in silence, with no help.
The reason I thought it was a monthly thing is because he only became so bad that he wouldn’t even be happy for me for a certain amount of time each month.
So, as I was saying, I have sent him the link to your story about how to beat depression in the hope that he will at least find some words of enlightenment through you. He may think that I am worrying unnecessarily, but I really want him to be happy, as he’s been like this his whole life.
I also hope he sees this… though he probably won’t. I hope he does because every month, it makes me depressed as well.
He’s a lucky person to have you in his life, just remember that the further he pushes you away the greater he needs your help. When I’m really bad I stop talking to people, don’t answer the phone and cut myself off, the effort that it takes to appear normal to the outside world becomes too hard to keep up. Be understanding to the space he needs, but never give up on the fact he needs your help and support. The one thing I do hate when I’m very low is people asking me “how are you feeling?” and “are you OK?”. good luck, it hopefully can only get better the more you read and understand xxx
PS having a good day today :-) but that still means worrying about what tomorrow will bring! Only mildly anxious, with small amount af dread! I can smile and feel like doing something good today, hope all of you on a black day will be able to see the sunshine come out from behind the cloud, even if only for a minute. hugs to all xxx
Thank you =) We have worked it out, just through talking, and he is no longer like this =)He finally opened up to me, and from what I can see, that made the most massive difference.
He is like another person, so I would suggest, if you are feeling depressed, maybe talk about your feelings with someone close to you. You may realise that your worries are without reason =)
xxx
Hi All,
I have been suffering from what I think may be depression….my dr hasn’t actually told me but I have been prescribe sertraline.
I often over analyses things, get my self worked up about every silly little ting, become moody over them and the snap at people, including my daughter. I am planning on moving to australia soon with my partner but then I have sudden negative thoughts that he doesnt want me to go with him….I am finding it all so hard to deal with. I get scared that I will lose him, panic then snap and argue with him over nothing……I have notice a slight lift in my mood since started the drugs but I will certainly try the oil as well as healthier diet and lifestyle…..I have started to count my calorie intake to ensure that I am eating enough (I am under weight and uk size 6) although I have always been skinny I have been trying for years to obtain then maintain a size 8.so recently I have try caloir counting, and adding healthy snacks to my diet to boost the calories instead of the rubbish I used to eat….so far I have been reaching if not exceeding my goal intake and have felt a slight benefit. I try most days to have a least one complain shake to ensure I have the nutrional intake needed and also take pharmaton capsuls too.
I have found that on the days where I eat correctly and have a high nutrinal diet I am happy and less freaked by situations/commemnts etc….
I am hoping I am on my way to beating what ever is going on with me, and hope that you all on here are too….
Best of luck to you all
Take care
Bex
In response to Lew,
I have dowloaded a few apps on my ipnone for hypnotheraphy….I have found them great when I am feeling really low….as all you do is lay there head phones in and drift off….I’m trying to use it night as one of the app has sleep after mode and the following days after using it I have always felt great, happy and almost ready to take on the world….I stop using these apps a few weeks ago and feeling worse again…so along with my healthy eating plan and lifestyle changes I am going to try and keep up with the hynotherpay…..
Hi all, you’re very brave to share your stories. I’ve been struggling with Postnatal Depression for the last 17 months. It reached a climax last December when I attempted suicide. I can relate a lot to some of the feelings you guys also have. I’ve just started my own blog in an attempt to reach out to others affected by these issues and I hope something positive can come from sharing my very bleak experience.
Ok hear it goes. I have the d aswell. And I am on tablets have bn for a year. I get days wear I feel like my head is about too expode with the thoughts going on in my head. I dnt want too go anywear and often think why am I even putting my self through this sooo I stay in bed. Tryed theorpy made me worse talking didn’t help a tall. I dnt like talking.I wright it all down. And then hide it. I put on the fake smile too everyone in the family. My partner often says I want the old u bck. And I would love too say well hold on hear I am. Truth is. He has noo clue what I am thinking half of the time. I c him trying too understand. I love him fir helping me and cuddling me when I need one. He just doesn’t get why I don’t talk too him. Soo do I at times. Oh I feel weird putting this on someting someone els will read.
dear cat i no what u r going through ,iam having a bad day today got the kids out school and went back to bed,iam only up to try and tidy the house abit before they come in. thay hvnt got a clue whats going on with me and iam a single mum. u take care
hi ya havent got the internet at the moment so i havent beeen able to come on here and post any comments….things r’nt great at the moment,i so much feel i need to help people only i dont know where to start.i am very passionate about this and i really would value any ideas of how i could use my time helping others who r suffering. i truely want to get out into this world and connect with others who r suffering, be it on a personal level or over the internet. and i want to get intouch with people in high places so i can get the help people need.
i truely hope that people r finding comfort in writing their experiences down on here . caz kat and helen please comment on here and let me know how u r all doing.
Been a while since I posted on here… Unfortunately things have only gotten worse OCR the last few months, I’ve been hospital several times due to overdoses, my alcohol intake has only decreased slightly, and I’ve begun to self harm… I have a mental health assessment coming up an they’ve increased the dose on my anti depressants, I also have the pshyce team on my back and I attend a self help group every week. I have the most wonderful gf who always supports me and I love her loads. I’ve alienated all my friends and have hurt all my family.. Who have a history of self harm and depression which is down to issues such as rape and abuse. I can’t see myself going back to uni this year as I’m not medically fit, it will not get better anytime soon, tryna see light at the end of the tunnel .. but maybe that’s just a train ? I hope you are all well and my thoughts are with you x
Hope things start looking up for you soon Adam. Really sorry to hear about all your going through, but your girlfriend sounds amazing. I’m so glad my husband has stuck with me through everything. Partners deserve a lot of credit for putting up with us :)
Things seem to be looking up for me at the moment. I haven’t had a really bad day in a long time. Part of me wants to accept that I might be better, but the other part of me feels like I shouldn’t get my hopes up in case I come crashing down again. I guess only time will tell.
Hoping everyone else is ok?
Hi,
This is the first time I’ve visited this site … I’ve never told anyone how I feel, I just need someone to talk to… I don’t know if I have depression or not but I know that I feel awful most of the time. More often than not I feel sad and alone and I often don’t know why.
But on the other hand, I graduated from uni last July and have no job, no money, a family I don’t speak to and a failing 4 year relationship. so am I depressed or am I just sad because my life is not working out? Is this something I should see a doctor about?
Just been looking back at my 2 posts in April, bad bad times, but thankfully things are good at the moment. I saw the doctor on Monday and she’s really happy with me :-).
It always feels so hard to relate to the deep dark black times when things seem realtively normal, I think I will forever spend my life rocking backwards and forwards between the two places in my mind, but coming on here today has reminded me how amazing it is to know you are NEVER alone with depression. Reading all your posts make things appear far more in context, the fear of it being a temporary cure is one that I think we all feel when we have better times. Enjoy each day, communicate your fears to those around you, even when you feel like your moaning on a good day. Don’t keep them inside. Just typing on here helps! Gotta run, sending everyone hope and the best wishes from the bottom of my heart for a happy day tomorrow x
There are THREE golden rules to fighting depression. 1 Become the observer of your own thoughts- u are NOT ur mind. The real u is the concious awarenes that exists beyond simply thoughts. 2, dicipline over the mind- The human mind makes a great servant but a TERRIBLE MASTER. Once u realise you can observe your own thoughts u have reached an altogether higher state of conciousness. U can stop negative thoughts in their track and see them for what they are- a drain on your energy and a source of disease and despondancy. 3, u can only ever live in the PRESENT MOMENT. So many people are obsessed with the past or worried about the future. U can only ever be in the present moment and thats where ur thoughts should be. After suffering depression all my life and doing exhaustive research on the subject, these three principles are not a cure but they are a great help in your struggles.
Hi,
My name is Louise Atkins and I am part of a team of researchers conducting an ethically approved research project (11/LO/1287) at the Institute of Psychiatry, Kings College University of London. We are currently trying to recruit depressed participants.
Our study aims to investigate the effect of a newly developed Cognitive Bias Modification (CBM) training on depression. This is single session study and we pay for the participant’s time. If we identify that CBM training is efficacious in reducing depressive symptoms, this research will shed light on the development of a very cost-effective treatment in mental health.
I was wondering whether we could advertise our study on your website to help us recruit depressed participants? Is there any procedure we would have to go through to be able to advertise our study on your website?
I would be very grateful if you could get back to me.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require more information either by email (louise.l.atkins@kcl.ac.uk)
Best wishes,
Louise
Well i gotta say … its mental to me to see that even in this day and age people are still oblivious to how widespread depression is and everyone is by no means alone. seeing this has refueled my desire to help people who suffer. i grew up a depressent … all I’d ever known … but then one day, aged 21 i had an epitheny and pulled myself “into the light” … Im 23 now and like someone said earlier … I dont think you’ll ever be 100% cured if its a part of who you are but not once in the last 2 and a half years have i wished myself dead, which before was an almost daily occurance … this epitheny had nothing to do with god or religion, nothing to do with lifestyle … it was simply that i fully grasped and understood the phrase life is what you make it. to begin understanding it you have to understand how to define life… im always up for talking about this and debating and explaining so feel free to contact me :-)
i want to run an idea of mine through with you all and ask for advice… i have kept a diary from when i was 15 … i was thinking about seeing about publishing it …. At best it might help people realise what i realised and break free and if not then at least it would show that no matter how dark your days get (believe me, my days got dark) things can improve. at very least it would raise awareness and show people the symptons i suffered as yeah it is true that it affects people in many different ways … but there’s also bound to be a lot of people with same or similar experience. what ya reckon? How would i go about this?
Here is a poem i wrote when I was 17
The Way It Is
There’s no such thing as a silver lining;
Just a storm cloud with no edge.
There’s a constant downpour of sadness,
That no hopes can umbrella against.
There’s no such thing as light at the end of the tunnel;
Just a pitch black road with no end.
There’s always anger and hatred,
That no well thinking can mend.
There’s no such thing as a bright side;
Just a one sided war with darkness.
There’s bound to be self loathing,
That no nothing, you fear, can beat this.
There’s no such thing as a helping hand;
Just many faces worth no trust.
There’s always a feeling of paranoia,
That no love can remove the lust.
There’s no such thing as something to live for;
Just a million reasons to die.
There is one simple resolution,
That nobody can deny.
Im quite proud of this poem … especially as im not a poet lol i’ve been trying to write a poem about how much better life is now i had my epitheny … but it’s always rubbish haha
Hi this is Emma posting again. For around 4 months I had very serious depression but i didnt know what was happening to me. My life was taken away from me well thats h9w i see it because i couldn’t live all i did was lie in bed and worry and when i made myself go places and go walking I still just felt the same it wasnt untill my med was increased to 40mg that i slowly started to feel a bit normal again that was in april and its taken me months to get everything back but im so happy again now and I’m going back to my uni course in jan I had to leave last feb because of the depression. In a way im glad iv been through it because I now don’t take life for granted xx
my own brain injury ocurred on New Year’s Eve last year, so 12 months ago, and it was not due to an accident but to a sudden rupture of a cerebral aneurysm (bubble on an artery in my brain)which I had no idea was there, though they say I was probably born with it. I was in a coma for 7 weeks and incredibly confused for many weeks after that, but this has improved. Physiotherapy has also improved my physical problems greatly, but here in Spain where I live I got no help for the emotional fallout except for some sleeping tablets and mild antidepressants. I still struggle with daily anxiety and depression, a great wave of sadness washes over me about an hour after I wake and I used to cry for about 3 hours and had little interest anything, especially as I was more or less blind until both eyes were operated on to remove blood forced into them by the burst artery. I also had some deafness and tinnitus. It made socialising very difficult. But I spoke on the phone to a client of my husband’s website business who is a psychologist in California and he said I should set myself some little achievable tasks each day and force myself to do them, and go for a brisk arm-swinging walk daily, just enough to get slightly out of breath, force myself to socialise (easier now that I can walk again and my eyes and ears have improved somewhat). He also instructed me to keep a daily journal of my feelings, mood swings and activities so that I can monitor my progress. I have managed to do these things most days and I feel that the depression is slowly lifting, although I still have bad days. Bless you and I hope this may be of some little help, and that 2012 will be a much better year for us all!
Sally
Hi Karl,
Firstly let me commend you on spending time creating this site, I’ve been looking online for solutions/ answers to my issues for a while and your story and other blogs have given me the kick up the arse I’ve been looking for and given me some relief in knowing I’m not alone. I’ve just ordered the omega capsules from the link in your post so I will trial them and post back to let others know the outcome and if they had any positive effects. Thanks again and keep up the good work.
Mick
I’m not sure if people are still commenting on this thread, but I guess I thought it would be therapeutic to write this down. I have suffered from depression since my early teens. I suffer from Crohns disease at the most extreme, and have had many operations, and times stuck in hospital when I should have been out enjoying my life as a teenager, two weeks before my 21st birthday I was told I would have to have a permanent colostomy bag, and that is when the depression really hit hard. I am 25 now, and there have been times when I have felt better about it, but most of the time its been awful, I’ve been on and off medication, but generally I feel like its just a temporary solution to a bigger problem. I have now lost a lot of weight, and it has seriously affected my confidence, and I am so insecure that its affecting my relationship with my partner, who I love more than anything, but I I am so overwhelmingly insecure when I see him with any other girl, it breaks my heart every time. Yet I completely trust him and I know he loves me and is very supportive, Im just creating these horrible scenarios of him running off with someone else, cos it feels like i don’t deserve him. My hearts breaking, and I just dont know how to deal with it. Any advice?
I haven’t read your blog as my depression is so acute I can’t concentrate for too long. I need to write this down for anybody who will listen and maybe get some support. Last year my sons 18 year old friend died in a motorbike accident. It left me consumed with grief so great I found it very difficult to get through the day. I constantly thought of him and his mum. The final straw came last month. My 86 year old aunt moved 140 miles away to a retirement flat, she had been like a mother to me since my parents died 30 years ago. For all those years it was her and me, although I was married with 3 children, no other family member had time for her. My aunt was a difficult person to get on with, formidable and up-tight. Last December my brother paid her his yearly visit and in a nut-shell helped her move back to be near him as the limits of her age was making her depressed ironically. My brother is retired and I run a business full-time. Previously he never gave her the time of day, but suddenly he couldn’t do enough. This rang alarm bells straight away, but stupidly I gave him the benefit of the doubt. (He never visited my dying mother, but came the day after she died to cash in her insurance policies). I thought he was a reformed character. Anyway, my aunt, who is a devout catholic, saw him as her guardian angel. Less than a month after moving in he has coerced and manipulated her into changing her will leaving the flat to him. I only came upon this by chance and wasn’t meant to ever find out. My aunt is confused and the move further muddled her brain, she cannot reason and stutters profusely. To add to the mix my aunt is very cold towards me. It’s as though I’ve served my purpose and am not needed anymore. Admittedly, I was extremely angry when I discovered the deceipt and didn’t handle it at all well. You must be thinking ‘surely you must have done something wrong’. I can only think that I didn’t act quicker to find a retirement home, nothing was suitable where I live. However, I have always been very patient with my aunt who repeats herself considerably. I may have snapped a couple of times, once when we were in John Lewis and she was causing a scene which I do not cope with at all well. Then I lost me temper and told her how I felt. In hindsight, I should have been calmer myself. Since this all flared up I am desperate. My aunt will now not speak to me as I called Social Services in as I though it was ‘vulnerable adult abuse’. Usually when I have mild depression I excercise, but truly, I cannot be bothered. I keep tormenting myself with ‘I should have done more for her’ or been stonger and resisted her moving so far away, but I saw that as a form of control on my part. I just wanted her to be happy. Sorry if this all sounds very self-indulgent, but I’m at my wits end. I need to move on, but am really struggling. I have booked a GPs appointment for this Thursday, but really do not want anti-deppressants. I am currently watching the Olympics which is making me feel a failure and in-adequate, feelings which would not normally be so exaggerated. My sense of humour is shot to pieces. Any advice from similar experiences will be much appreciated. PS: The flat had been promised to me and my family.
Hi,
My name is Erin and i am currently making a documentary on depression for my course. As someone who has suffered from depression I wanted to make a documentary on how and where to get help as well as attempting to removing some of the stigma surrounding depression. I was searching the web to find what resources are easily available and came across this blog and was amazed at the response and the amount that people are commenting on how much this blog has helped them. I was wondering if i would be able to interview you about your blog? I don’t know another way to contact you but if you’re interested you can email me on Erin0@hotmail.co.uk so we can discuss it further.
Thank you,
Erin
Hi Erin
Its not really my thing , you should try emailing mind1st they might be able to help.
update as of 10.2.2013
I am still doing well , the better my diet is the better I feel , reduce stress and exercise also huge help,
Hi,
Thanks anyway and I am glad to hear that you’re still doing well. :)