I wished I never had to wake up (Depression medication)

Learn how I beat Depression

Affect and effect, I never really could tell the difference between these two words, they sound the same most of the letters are the same, they mean virtually the same thing, but there is a difference. Is it the effects of depression medication, or the affects of depression medication? Now I’m not going to lose sleep over it, but I’ve looked them up countless times and for whatever reason there is a mental blockage on what that slight variation is.

I didn’t lose sleep either when I felt the effects of depression affect me (I probably have those the wrong way round) sleep is a requirement to keep the body functioning at its optimum, I’m not sure my functioning has ever really been optimized but depression didn’t deter that sleep in me, in fact it actually did the opposite for me.

Others I have known however have seen depression affect them in exactly the opposite way. The same illness suffered by three different people, One depressed person sleeping less, one sleeping the same and another sleeping far more, that is the same thing having three very different effects.

It makes it a little difficult to see the symptoms for making a diagnosis in that case, and indeed even if you get beyond the point of prescription for your depression medication, side effects of some of the new generation of anti-depressants can be erratic sleep too and nightmares to plague this erratic sleep. Makes it hard to see if it is all working then doesn’t it, difficult to see the effects of our battle against it all, and diagnose that we are getting better.

Waking in the middle of the night where the dreams that we get if we are lucky are only a very thin veil easily waken up from, that is one of the symptoms. Lying awake in our bed’s, or on the couch at night, not snoozing, but mulling over everything. Mulling around with negative thoughts introduces chemicals into our blood streams that excite the body to the point of making sleep impossible.

Waking in the morning and having no impulse to lift ourselves out of the bed, and face the day, easy sleep to achieve here, but really of no benefit for the body, in fact this excessive sleep pattern is damaging for you  long term.

So three varieties of affects on sleep when depression comes to town, it is like a lucky dip for the luckless. Where when we have problems or big decisions that need to be made, we are often advised to sleep on it, the sleep of depression is not an active or positive sleep. The very same ailment, the very same factors that dictate the behavior of this ailment are there under the surface in our sleep. Negative dreams, negativity deriding our subconscious, tainting our decisions made in this domain.

In a healthy person sleep acts as a purge, out with the bad and in with the good. Sleep allowing us to forget our problems, and halve them with our waking seeing the problem or issue that existed before our hitting the hay diminished. Now though, where yes we want to sleep more and it is often our very target when we wake, our goal for the day just being to get back to the state of sleep ASAP, the sleep doesn’t achieve this for us any longer once we are depressed.

It takes a moment to hit us once we actually awake, but when it does hit, it does it like a ton of bricks. All of the badness creeps back in and masks the clarity of waking up with the dawn. In sleep we have the ability to hide, to block out the world in a way, but we aren’t at an optimum, and so even what is supposed to bring out this optimum in us can’t do its job optimally.

We need to effect a change, but it is evident that sleep is neither a shield nor a weapon in the battle over depression. You know it seems like it should be, when you are in the midst of depression it is what your body craves, and your body only wants what is best for you, and knows what is best for you, right? If it feels so good then how can it be wrong, it’s not wrong, but it is no longer the cure to a bad day, where once it was.

Learn how I beat Depression

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