Getting to the Point of OK

Learn how I beat Depression

Young life, the time that according to poetry we were thought in school was supposed to have been easier than all of this. Innocence of childhood and all of that nonsense was the way it was supposed to be. Innocent, free, and happy that is how we are represented in these poems, just going out there and enjoying the best years of a so called life. I wonder though, that if someone had said that to me at the time, I wonder how I would have taken it.

Hey if this was the best of times, the best time of my life then there really was no point in going on now, was there? There is an equation going on with our everyday, I’m no mathematical scientist, but I think that the reality of what we experience directly impacts on how we feel. Add up the good against the bad and your end result, the way you feel is down to these factors. If the good outweighs the bad then you feel good, if bad then bad.

If OK then that is how you come out. An Aunt of mine knew I was feeling low, I don’t think that she knew just how low, but it was low enough to cause her to go out and get me a book called “I’m OK you are OK” one of those self help books that equated our view on others as the equation in which we would find how we felt about ourselves. The fact that I was reading this type of material wasn’t something that you would go out and tell the world. Being depressed suffering from The Depression isn’t something that you want others to know, it is not that you are hiding it, in fact at every juncture, every time you barely manage to hold back the tears when a raw nerve is struck in conversation you are really trying that whole cry for help thing.

Big boys don’t cry however and I think I held in more tears than will ever flow back then. I had the depression, it wasn’t diagnosed, when my parents looked to take me into the doctor I lied through my teeth acted out a brave face, once there they were alongside me. They were putting me in this place I didn’t want to be, and I was damned if I was going to try and put sense and words to order how indeed I was feeling at that time in front of them, in front of a professional. I’m older now, bigger than the big boy who wouldn’t allow himself to cry, the January blues still kick in, I find myself constantly shifting and deriving the manic highs as away to get through things, trying to find a means to store the fake positivity to get through it.

Depression does not begin and end, it is always with you from where I stand, where I have unfortunately made my bed in which to lie. Holding it all in hurts from time to time, all untold, living through it and rising to get to the next day that is where the hard inches are won out against The Depression. It is a show of strength, a show of resilience just to make it through, to try and impose a mantra that will dictate that the depression will not affect your mood this day, and then just hope for the best that you won’t feel that way tomorrow.

Yes there is limited responsibility when we are young, yes it would seem that our problems are so trivial when compared against the problems we are going to face in adulthood, but try telling that to the ‘Big Boy,’ (I wasn’t all that big, but I was physically strong) try saying to him ‘snap out of it’ as my parents would say. Depression can’t be beaten with such a ‘snap,’ I’ve heard of doctors that attempt to use this device, but I never heard of it working.

The Depression just like alcoholism can only be beaten one step at a time, one moment to the next we suffer how it speaks to us, putting words into our mind which tell us just how unimportant we are, how pathetic we are. It is listening to this words that torment and letting them control us however that is the real pathetic thing as we journey on and we struggle (If we have the guts) not to let The Depression win.

Learn how I beat Depression

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